I have never longed so much to be home. Not my current home... Not my parents' home... But my real home, in heaven, with the One who is always here for me.
I have felt like this before, but never as much as I do today. Don't get me wrong... I love my life. I love my family despite their quirks. I have the most amazing fiance I could ever ask for. I am part of an awesome church, and have made some lifelong friends. But there are things in this world that I cannot wait to live without. The jealousy, the hatred, the rumors... So much that is just not fair, it seems.
I wish I could take away the pain from those I love. I wish they would see that God will cover us and protect us in everything as long as we follow Him. All of my wishing means nothing if I don't use the words of my mouth to praise the One who can hold us in our most difficult times. When so much hardship comes, we would rather spend our time cursing this world and its faults and we forget to praise.
No long, bible-versed filled blog here. Just a reminder...
We were not made for this world, so obviously we won't agree with a lot of the things that happen in it. But we must be mindful at all times and keep our eyes open. One day He will come and take this pain from us, and we will be in a perfect place with no fear, no pain, no jealousy... Until then, we must be strong in Him and remember to praise at all times.
And never forget about our eternal home... Come soon, Jesus...
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Insignificance...
I'm not too small... About 5'4". I feel short compared to a lot of other people, but I feel rather tall compared to the sweet little one I watch every day.
But I feel ridiculously small when I drive around town. In Morgantown, the worst time to travel by vehicle is between the months of September and May... College students are back! Driving through campus the other day made me realize how much I really don't matter compared to this world. I am just one person in a sea of many.
I've recently become "addicted" to a new song. I've known it for a while, but it has just struck me with a lot of thoughts lately. It's called "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North. (PS - They're awesome!) The first part of the chorus really sums up how insignificant I feel:
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
Could you imagine trying to find a tear in the middle of a downpour? Trying to hear one cry amongst so many? Thinking of how I am like that one tear... That one voice... Makes me feel very small. So small that I wonder how God really can hear my heart breaking at times. How, when there are so many other horrible things going on in this world, could God have time for little ole me? Sure, I have problems, but they feel so minimal compared to some others. Yet He is always there beside me helping me walk through them. I think that there are so many times when we feel insignificant and therefore think God won't help us. But He is here for us. He is all-knowing and wants to help us live a life that glorifies Him.
No, it's not bad to realize how small you are. Or to think about how there are so many problems in the world that are more important than your spat with depression, or anger, or pride. But we must remember that God still cares. A good mindset about our insignificance is covered in the second part of the chorus:
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
Yes, you are only one life among so many. But you are important! Instead of letting your insignificance be a hindrance to your faith, allow it to be a motivation! Remind yourself that even though you are small, He still wants to be close to you and hold your heart.
But I feel ridiculously small when I drive around town. In Morgantown, the worst time to travel by vehicle is between the months of September and May... College students are back! Driving through campus the other day made me realize how much I really don't matter compared to this world. I am just one person in a sea of many.
I've recently become "addicted" to a new song. I've known it for a while, but it has just struck me with a lot of thoughts lately. It's called "Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North. (PS - They're awesome!) The first part of the chorus really sums up how insignificant I feel:
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
Could you imagine trying to find a tear in the middle of a downpour? Trying to hear one cry amongst so many? Thinking of how I am like that one tear... That one voice... Makes me feel very small. So small that I wonder how God really can hear my heart breaking at times. How, when there are so many other horrible things going on in this world, could God have time for little ole me? Sure, I have problems, but they feel so minimal compared to some others. Yet He is always there beside me helping me walk through them. I think that there are so many times when we feel insignificant and therefore think God won't help us. But He is here for us. He is all-knowing and wants to help us live a life that glorifies Him.
No, it's not bad to realize how small you are. Or to think about how there are so many problems in the world that are more important than your spat with depression, or anger, or pride. But we must remember that God still cares. A good mindset about our insignificance is covered in the second part of the chorus:
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart?
Yes, you are only one life among so many. But you are important! Instead of letting your insignificance be a hindrance to your faith, allow it to be a motivation! Remind yourself that even though you are small, He still wants to be close to you and hold your heart.
Monday, August 31, 2009
ENOUGH!!!!
"Failure - When your best just isn't good enough."
Man... Larry Kersten sure knows how I'm feeling today. I am exhausted. The past week I have run around like crazy, busted my butt, and used every ounce of my energy trying to get everything done that is needed, and trying to do it to the best of my ability. Yet, last night while laying in bed, I felt worthless. I was going over my week and realized that while I felt like I did well this week, it seemed no one else even noticed. Then my mind got going, and next thing I knew I was awake at 1:00am crying.
I thrive on "thank yous" and "great jobs." Not because I know when I do a good job, but because I feel like I never do good enough. I constantly feel like a failure. I could spend five hours on a project that would normally take two just so that I can be sure it is perfect, and if I don't hear a "thank you," I will spend the evening trying to figure out what in the world I did wrong. I know that I am too hard on myself... I've heard it for years. In middle school, I wasn't allowed to take the advanced classes because I "think too much." What the crap!?!? Who knew you could think too much! Back then, I got upset because I wasn't allowed to jump ahead and take the classes I knew I could handle. But now I know why they wouldn't let me. I spend so much time trying to please everyone else, including my teachers in school, and don't pay any attention to me or my relationship with God.
After thinking for a while last night, I realized that I am insulting God by thinking I am not good enough. He made me... "fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14)" By wanting praise from the world in the form of "thank yous" that seem to never come, I am forgetting that I am rewarded everyday for the things I do. I am rewarded with the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, even the over-thoughts in my head. He allows me to be here and have the experiences I have because I am glorifying Him by doing His work to the best of my ability. Even if I feel like it isn't enough.
So, Mr. Kersten... You are wrong. You may have gotten me thinking what a failure I was for a short period of time this morning. But then God showed me that I needed to stop dwelling on my "worthlessness," because it doesn't exist in His eyes. So when you don't feel good enough, remember...
"There is time in which to be, simply be, that time in which God quietly tells us who we are and who He wants us to be. It is then that God takes our emptiness and fills it with what He wants." (Madeline D'Engle)
Man... Larry Kersten sure knows how I'm feeling today. I am exhausted. The past week I have run around like crazy, busted my butt, and used every ounce of my energy trying to get everything done that is needed, and trying to do it to the best of my ability. Yet, last night while laying in bed, I felt worthless. I was going over my week and realized that while I felt like I did well this week, it seemed no one else even noticed. Then my mind got going, and next thing I knew I was awake at 1:00am crying.
I thrive on "thank yous" and "great jobs." Not because I know when I do a good job, but because I feel like I never do good enough. I constantly feel like a failure. I could spend five hours on a project that would normally take two just so that I can be sure it is perfect, and if I don't hear a "thank you," I will spend the evening trying to figure out what in the world I did wrong. I know that I am too hard on myself... I've heard it for years. In middle school, I wasn't allowed to take the advanced classes because I "think too much." What the crap!?!? Who knew you could think too much! Back then, I got upset because I wasn't allowed to jump ahead and take the classes I knew I could handle. But now I know why they wouldn't let me. I spend so much time trying to please everyone else, including my teachers in school, and don't pay any attention to me or my relationship with God.
After thinking for a while last night, I realized that I am insulting God by thinking I am not good enough. He made me... "fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14)" By wanting praise from the world in the form of "thank yous" that seem to never come, I am forgetting that I am rewarded everyday for the things I do. I am rewarded with the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, even the over-thoughts in my head. He allows me to be here and have the experiences I have because I am glorifying Him by doing His work to the best of my ability. Even if I feel like it isn't enough.
So, Mr. Kersten... You are wrong. You may have gotten me thinking what a failure I was for a short period of time this morning. But then God showed me that I needed to stop dwelling on my "worthlessness," because it doesn't exist in His eyes. So when you don't feel good enough, remember...
"There is time in which to be, simply be, that time in which God quietly tells us who we are and who He wants us to be. It is then that God takes our emptiness and fills it with what He wants." (Madeline D'Engle)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Time Traveler's Future???
**Warning... If you are planning on reading this book, there are some spoilers throughout this blog...***
I just finished reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" this week, and really enjoyed reading a different type of book than usual. From seeing the previewsfor the subsequent movie, I knew that I was just asking for a crying fest (and I got it!) but I had heard it was a good book so I scooped it up, ran home, and started reading away. It was a great book, but it got me thinking...
For those of you who have never read/heard of the book (or movie that has just been released) the story is about a man who travels through time with no control over when he travels or where he goes. He just randomly leaves the present and shows up in different times of the past/future, and after some sort of experience he gets shifted back to the present time. During his travels, he revisits the day his mother passed away, meets his wife and a few friends, visits his younger self, and even sees his future daughter. Because he cannot control his paths, he isn't able to make himself move into the future as often as he would like. About 3/4 of the time he is spending his travels in the past, so during his future travels he is very intentional about taking in all that he can to learn what may happen later in his life.
Due to the fact that time traveling isn't really typical in our world, he is not able to tell many people about his experiences. He shares the information with his wife, his father, a couple best friends and doctors. When those close to him find out they are always eager to know the future. They already know the past, so there is of course no need for him to recite to them what has already happened. There is a point where his wife is insistant on knowing what happens in the future. The have not been able to have a baby and do not know why, and she finds out he has traveled to the future and he knows what happens. Over and over she tells him she wishes she knew, and over and over he does not tell her. He feels it may change the future to know it.
I know this wasn't a book that taught on Christian values, or one that instills morals in a person, but there were points that still hit me really hard.
I constantly want to know what is going to come in my future, and I'm sure most of you do also. We sit and wish we just knew where it was all headed and what God has in store for us. When we are in the midst of trouble, we just want to know that one day it will be okay. When life is great, we want to know we something will ruin our "high." But God never called us to know our future. That is for only him to know! I know God's will is already laid out for us before we are even conceived, but what if there is a possibility that the time traveler is right in his thinking that if you know the future you could possibly change it? If you found out at 18 what your future career would be, wouldn't that cause you to do things differently than if you just blindly pursued your life? Even more serious, what if you found out that your best friend was going to pass away in within days... Wouldn't you want to spend more time with them... Want to intervene somehow so that you could keep them longer.
There are reasons why we don't know the future. If we knew everything that was going to happen in our life, everything would change. We would only pursue those things that we knew would happen and not have the experiences along the way that we feel are unnecessary. Worse yet, what if we became angry because of something we knew would happen in the future and because of that we decided to never come to know this God that would do that to us.
We were not called to know our future... We were called to live intentionally for the future that God has laid out for us that we do not yet know. If we knew things that were to come, we would have no reason to trust God.
So instead of wishing we knew what was to come, perhaps we should just remember to trust God and live a life of intentional pursuit. That, in my mind, is a million times better than knowing the future. Because if you are trusting God, you at least know the end result of your life... And that sure is enough for me.
I just finished reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" this week, and really enjoyed reading a different type of book than usual. From seeing the previewsfor the subsequent movie, I knew that I was just asking for a crying fest (and I got it!) but I had heard it was a good book so I scooped it up, ran home, and started reading away. It was a great book, but it got me thinking...
For those of you who have never read/heard of the book (or movie that has just been released) the story is about a man who travels through time with no control over when he travels or where he goes. He just randomly leaves the present and shows up in different times of the past/future, and after some sort of experience he gets shifted back to the present time. During his travels, he revisits the day his mother passed away, meets his wife and a few friends, visits his younger self, and even sees his future daughter. Because he cannot control his paths, he isn't able to make himself move into the future as often as he would like. About 3/4 of the time he is spending his travels in the past, so during his future travels he is very intentional about taking in all that he can to learn what may happen later in his life.
Due to the fact that time traveling isn't really typical in our world, he is not able to tell many people about his experiences. He shares the information with his wife, his father, a couple best friends and doctors. When those close to him find out they are always eager to know the future. They already know the past, so there is of course no need for him to recite to them what has already happened. There is a point where his wife is insistant on knowing what happens in the future. The have not been able to have a baby and do not know why, and she finds out he has traveled to the future and he knows what happens. Over and over she tells him she wishes she knew, and over and over he does not tell her. He feels it may change the future to know it.
I know this wasn't a book that taught on Christian values, or one that instills morals in a person, but there were points that still hit me really hard.
I constantly want to know what is going to come in my future, and I'm sure most of you do also. We sit and wish we just knew where it was all headed and what God has in store for us. When we are in the midst of trouble, we just want to know that one day it will be okay. When life is great, we want to know we something will ruin our "high." But God never called us to know our future. That is for only him to know! I know God's will is already laid out for us before we are even conceived, but what if there is a possibility that the time traveler is right in his thinking that if you know the future you could possibly change it? If you found out at 18 what your future career would be, wouldn't that cause you to do things differently than if you just blindly pursued your life? Even more serious, what if you found out that your best friend was going to pass away in within days... Wouldn't you want to spend more time with them... Want to intervene somehow so that you could keep them longer.
There are reasons why we don't know the future. If we knew everything that was going to happen in our life, everything would change. We would only pursue those things that we knew would happen and not have the experiences along the way that we feel are unnecessary. Worse yet, what if we became angry because of something we knew would happen in the future and because of that we decided to never come to know this God that would do that to us.
We were not called to know our future... We were called to live intentionally for the future that God has laid out for us that we do not yet know. If we knew things that were to come, we would have no reason to trust God.
So instead of wishing we knew what was to come, perhaps we should just remember to trust God and live a life of intentional pursuit. That, in my mind, is a million times better than knowing the future. Because if you are trusting God, you at least know the end result of your life... And that sure is enough for me.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I'm Giving up Chocolate...
So I'm reading through "Blue Like Jazz" (I know... I'm going slow on this one... I've been busy!) and what I read yesterday made me laugh. "... the Bible is so good with chocolate. I always thought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate thing."
As I was sitting on the couch reading that, and eating Butterfinger minis (ironically) I laughed. How cute of a statement to make. The Bible is good with chocolate. But then again, what isn't good with chocolate?
I just went on about my business, reading and snacking, and made it all the way until today before something hit me. I was trying to read my Bible this morning, and for some reason I just could not make it through even a chapter. I kept getting so distracted, looking at this, thinking about that. So I went downstairs and started reading my book instead. I whizzed through a chapter in no time. Then I shut my book, and sat there and felt so guilty. I know I'm reading a book that is at least about Christianity, but I still felt horrible. How was it so easy to read my book when I struggled to read one sentence in my Bible?
I think we are conditioned to make it hard on ourselves. We don't enjoy the parables in the Bible like we do the stories in our novels. It's because our novels are chocolate-coated. We feel like we are in the stories... Like we are characters in the books, or like we have strong attachments to the plotlines. We don't feel like we can relate to the Bible as much. Sometimes we can only completely focus on the Bible when we have something else, like candy, keeping us occupied as well.
I hate the days when I look back at my Bible to what I read the night before and don't even remember a word of it. When I'm so distracted that I just skim over the pages, like I'm fooling myself (and God) into thinking I've read and want to apply the Word to my life.
So I've giving up chocolate... Not literally, of course, but figuratively. No more distractions. No reading the Bible in front of the T.V. My phone will be on silent. My door will be shut. Because being single-minded and focused is the only true way to be able to hold the Word in your heart.
As I was sitting on the couch reading that, and eating Butterfinger minis (ironically) I laughed. How cute of a statement to make. The Bible is good with chocolate. But then again, what isn't good with chocolate?
I just went on about my business, reading and snacking, and made it all the way until today before something hit me. I was trying to read my Bible this morning, and for some reason I just could not make it through even a chapter. I kept getting so distracted, looking at this, thinking about that. So I went downstairs and started reading my book instead. I whizzed through a chapter in no time. Then I shut my book, and sat there and felt so guilty. I know I'm reading a book that is at least about Christianity, but I still felt horrible. How was it so easy to read my book when I struggled to read one sentence in my Bible?
I think we are conditioned to make it hard on ourselves. We don't enjoy the parables in the Bible like we do the stories in our novels. It's because our novels are chocolate-coated. We feel like we are in the stories... Like we are characters in the books, or like we have strong attachments to the plotlines. We don't feel like we can relate to the Bible as much. Sometimes we can only completely focus on the Bible when we have something else, like candy, keeping us occupied as well.
I hate the days when I look back at my Bible to what I read the night before and don't even remember a word of it. When I'm so distracted that I just skim over the pages, like I'm fooling myself (and God) into thinking I've read and want to apply the Word to my life.
So I've giving up chocolate... Not literally, of course, but figuratively. No more distractions. No reading the Bible in front of the T.V. My phone will be on silent. My door will be shut. Because being single-minded and focused is the only true way to be able to hold the Word in your heart.
Friday, July 31, 2009
The Endless Search
I'm having one of those days... One of the days where you feel like you woke up with your head on sideways. Everything is so out of whack. The baby won't sleep, so she's screaming at me instead... I'm hungry, but can't figure out what to eat... I can't find my favorite shirt, so I have to wear something else. I can't stand these days.
So what do I do? I spend my day searching... Searching for a toy Audrey will want to play with... Searching for something to eat... Searching for my favorite shirt... And then I realize what the problem is.
Not once today have I even bothered searching for God. It's a daily thing, ya know? We'll never find him completely while we're on the Earth, but we still must search. Some days He feels so far away. Like Donald Miller put it in Blue Like Jazz, "If God was on dirt road walking toward me, He was on the other side of a hill, and I hadn't begun to look for Him anyway."
We don't expect to find our car keys by sitting on the couch. So why in the world am I expecting to find God that way? I listen to music that reminds me of His glory, I read books that demonstrate His mercy... But not once today have I talked to Him about where He is in my life. We complain about how God just isn't showing up in certain areas of our life, when we should be complaining about ourselves. About how we always have something more important to do than pray, or read our Bibles. Even if it is talking to Him about something small like, "God, thank you so much for allowing me to have shoes to protect my feet," when we get ready in the morning, at least we are talking to him.
We always feel like we haven't found our place in our group of friends, our church, or this world. We just need to find our place with God and it will start to fall together. No, we aren't going to figure everything out. Not a chance! But we can at least be on the right "side of the hill" looking for Him and trying to find our path. Next time I feel like everything is going wrong in my day, I'm going to be sure to look to Him for my joy in the day. I'll leave you with the words to a song by one of my favorite artists, Nichole Nordeman:
Real to Me by Nicole Nordeman
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uObOnYZ-7E0)
Every time I try to find you
Every road comes back around
Just another hoop to jump through
Another mile of covered ground
I am weary of the answers
More theory and cliché
They raise the letter of the law like a banner
'Til you're small and far away
All the questions in my head
Are from my heart instead
Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real to me now
Every scribe and every scholar
No winners in this debate
Everybody seems to stand up taller
When you're easy to explain
I don't need to know what I don't know
Just got to let it go
Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real somehow
More than anything
More than anything
So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
'Cause everybody's broken
So what do I do? I spend my day searching... Searching for a toy Audrey will want to play with... Searching for something to eat... Searching for my favorite shirt... And then I realize what the problem is.
Not once today have I even bothered searching for God. It's a daily thing, ya know? We'll never find him completely while we're on the Earth, but we still must search. Some days He feels so far away. Like Donald Miller put it in Blue Like Jazz, "If God was on dirt road walking toward me, He was on the other side of a hill, and I hadn't begun to look for Him anyway."
We don't expect to find our car keys by sitting on the couch. So why in the world am I expecting to find God that way? I listen to music that reminds me of His glory, I read books that demonstrate His mercy... But not once today have I talked to Him about where He is in my life. We complain about how God just isn't showing up in certain areas of our life, when we should be complaining about ourselves. About how we always have something more important to do than pray, or read our Bibles. Even if it is talking to Him about something small like, "God, thank you so much for allowing me to have shoes to protect my feet," when we get ready in the morning, at least we are talking to him.
We always feel like we haven't found our place in our group of friends, our church, or this world. We just need to find our place with God and it will start to fall together. No, we aren't going to figure everything out. Not a chance! But we can at least be on the right "side of the hill" looking for Him and trying to find our path. Next time I feel like everything is going wrong in my day, I'm going to be sure to look to Him for my joy in the day. I'll leave you with the words to a song by one of my favorite artists, Nichole Nordeman:
Real to Me by Nicole Nordeman
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uObOnYZ-7E0)
Every time I try to find you
Every road comes back around
Just another hoop to jump through
Another mile of covered ground
I am weary of the answers
More theory and cliché
They raise the letter of the law like a banner
'Til you're small and far away
All the questions in my head
Are from my heart instead
Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real to me now
Every scribe and every scholar
No winners in this debate
Everybody seems to stand up taller
When you're easy to explain
I don't need to know what I don't know
Just got to let it go
Be real to me now
That's all I'm asking
Be real somehow
More than anything
More than anything
So lay down the sword
And put away the doctrine
Love a little more, love a little more
'Cause everybody's broken
Monday, July 27, 2009
What color is your heart?
You know those days when you're sitting in your car, and just want a change in your music selection? If you're like me, you listen to the same CD over and over and over again... Just because you don't feel like changing it. Well, yesterday I got tired of listening to one of my CDs and decided to pull out my old CD case... It has all the CDs that I listened to when I first got out of high school, but I just never happen to feel the need to pull out and listen to again. I was in a rather nostalgic mood, so I popped in whichever one I grabbed first. (I was driving, and despite popular belief, I sometimes drive safely and don't look down at what I'm doing.) So I just pulled one out of the middle and popped it in.
It ended up being Shaun Groves' Twilight... One of my favorites from my time in Master's Commission in 2004/2005. It's a pretty awesome CD, with some great thought-provoking songs. I listened through once on the drive, then the CD started over again. And part of one of the songs stood out to me. It was the title song, Twilight, but it wasn't the chorus that stood out like in a typical song. It was a simple bridge towards the end:
Oh Lord, paint my heart a solid hue
The shade of you
Oh Lord, break this dreadful in between
Inside of me
Oh let it be, morning
That little bit of the song got me thinking... What does my heart look like? Is it a joyful yellow shade, or a bleak gray? What in the world is the "shade" of God anyway? And how do I know if my heart is painted like him, or if it is even a solid color?
You see, I switch emotions like crazy... One moment I am happy; the next I'm so ticked off that I have to lock myself in a room. (Ok, maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture!) So I wonder, if my heart is a solid hue, what does it look like? I'm sure that it's not one of the grade school, perfect pink Valentine hearts that we imagine. So what are the colors it could be?
Could our hearts be a deep green? A shade of jealousy. One that always feel underprivileged and always wants what others have. Is this a shade God would want us to have? Of course not: "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." ~Job 5:2
Or how about an ugly brown color? A color that can represent pride. A prideful heart cannot fully love God. It is too focused on loving (or even hating) self, which pushes the love of God even further away. This is definately not the shade God wants for us: "When pride comes, then comes disgrace..." ~Prov 11:2
What about a dark blue? Depression... Something that we allow ourselves to feel too often. We allow pain to consume us until the point that we completely forget how to get out of it, and don't even see God. This is obviously the wrong shade: "All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless." ~Ecc 2:23
Okay... What about yellow? A joyful shade. A feeling of happiness, fulfillment, and lots of smiles. God loves distributing joy: "The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." ~Prov 19:8
Or how about a beautiful, still shade of light blue? Peace... Something we don't allow ourselves to feel very often. But when we do feel peace, it is amazing. We just have to be still... Calm ourselves: "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." ~Job 22:21
Can they be a deep shade of red? The universal color of love. The most important commandment according to God. Yet, at some times, the hardest feeling to hold onto to. If we could love at all times, our hearts would be beautiful: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." ~Mark 12:30,31
So, what color is your heart? It changes constantly... So I don't think the most important thing is realizing what color it is, but that it is allowing God to make it a solid hue. Consistancy is one thing that we lack the most in this life. One moment we love God, and desire to be wholly his. The next moment we are complaining to him about how unfair our life is. So our hearts are constantly a rainbow of colors, though not all of them are beautiful shades. How can we strive toward a solid-colored heart? By being consistant in our relationship with God.
"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name." ~Heb 13:15
We must be in a constant attitude of praise toward God... It is the only way to even get close to a solid shade of God. Our hearts are the hardest things to control, because so many times we feel pulled in different directions. We have such a hard time deciding whether it is God's heart or ours that is telling us what to do. As simple as it sounds, the best way to distinguish one from the other is just to pray. We have to pray for God to break this dreadful in between inside of us.
It ended up being Shaun Groves' Twilight... One of my favorites from my time in Master's Commission in 2004/2005. It's a pretty awesome CD, with some great thought-provoking songs. I listened through once on the drive, then the CD started over again. And part of one of the songs stood out to me. It was the title song, Twilight, but it wasn't the chorus that stood out like in a typical song. It was a simple bridge towards the end:
Oh Lord, paint my heart a solid hue
The shade of you
Oh Lord, break this dreadful in between
Inside of me
Oh let it be, morning
That little bit of the song got me thinking... What does my heart look like? Is it a joyful yellow shade, or a bleak gray? What in the world is the "shade" of God anyway? And how do I know if my heart is painted like him, or if it is even a solid color?
You see, I switch emotions like crazy... One moment I am happy; the next I'm so ticked off that I have to lock myself in a room. (Ok, maybe not that extreme, but you get the picture!) So I wonder, if my heart is a solid hue, what does it look like? I'm sure that it's not one of the grade school, perfect pink Valentine hearts that we imagine. So what are the colors it could be?
Could our hearts be a deep green? A shade of jealousy. One that always feel underprivileged and always wants what others have. Is this a shade God would want us to have? Of course not: "Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." ~Job 5:2
Or how about an ugly brown color? A color that can represent pride. A prideful heart cannot fully love God. It is too focused on loving (or even hating) self, which pushes the love of God even further away. This is definately not the shade God wants for us: "When pride comes, then comes disgrace..." ~Prov 11:2
What about a dark blue? Depression... Something that we allow ourselves to feel too often. We allow pain to consume us until the point that we completely forget how to get out of it, and don't even see God. This is obviously the wrong shade: "All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless." ~Ecc 2:23
Okay... What about yellow? A joyful shade. A feeling of happiness, fulfillment, and lots of smiles. God loves distributing joy: "The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes." ~Prov 19:8
Or how about a beautiful, still shade of light blue? Peace... Something we don't allow ourselves to feel very often. But when we do feel peace, it is amazing. We just have to be still... Calm ourselves: "Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you." ~Job 22:21
Can they be a deep shade of red? The universal color of love. The most important commandment according to God. Yet, at some times, the hardest feeling to hold onto to. If we could love at all times, our hearts would be beautiful: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." ~Mark 12:30,31
So, what color is your heart? It changes constantly... So I don't think the most important thing is realizing what color it is, but that it is allowing God to make it a solid hue. Consistancy is one thing that we lack the most in this life. One moment we love God, and desire to be wholly his. The next moment we are complaining to him about how unfair our life is. So our hearts are constantly a rainbow of colors, though not all of them are beautiful shades. How can we strive toward a solid-colored heart? By being consistant in our relationship with God.
"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name." ~Heb 13:15
We must be in a constant attitude of praise toward God... It is the only way to even get close to a solid shade of God. Our hearts are the hardest things to control, because so many times we feel pulled in different directions. We have such a hard time deciding whether it is God's heart or ours that is telling us what to do. As simple as it sounds, the best way to distinguish one from the other is just to pray. We have to pray for God to break this dreadful in between inside of us.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Oh, the Pressure!!!
Every day is different, yet so much the same. How, you may ask... Well, that is the thought I have been pondering on all day today. Let me explain...
I have been fighting a sinus infection for the past three days. This isn't an unusual occurance for me, as I get one about once a month. It's like my body just says, "Hey... It's been long enough. Let's throw another one at her!" So, about once a month, I spend three to five days moping on the couch, feeling miserable, napping all day. And that is exactly what I have done this time.
But, that changed today. I read something that changed my outlook on it all, and it, of course, came out of my favorite book of the Bible:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." ~2 Corinthians 4:16
I know what you're thinking... Just because I'm having sinus problems doesn't mean I'm "wasting away." But sometimes, even without the physical symptoms, we feel like we are. We face so many pressures in our lives... Career pressure, family pressure, financial pressure, even sinus pressure. And we always want them all to just go away. But how much energy are we willing to put into dealing with these pressures?
If we have to find a job, do we sit on the couch and wait for the right one all day? No... If we are trying to make more money, do we sit around and watch television? I wish... If we are having sinus problems, do we lay in bed and wait for them to go away? No... We take medicine and don't let it get us down!
So why should our relationship with God be any different? We can't just sit around and hope that our relationship will get stronger... We have to work towards a great relationship! We can't do the same thing we do everyday and think that it's enough. We can't expect all the daily renewal we're receiving to take affect without us actually trying to put it into practice.
So, yeah, everyday has within itself different pressures and lessons for us to learn, but every day will end up the same as the last unless we do something to change it. The Message translation begins 2 Corinthians 4:16 like this: "So we're not giving up. How could we!" So... How could we?!?! Do you want to feel the renewal that's taking place daily in your life? Then do it!!!
I have been fighting a sinus infection for the past three days. This isn't an unusual occurance for me, as I get one about once a month. It's like my body just says, "Hey... It's been long enough. Let's throw another one at her!" So, about once a month, I spend three to five days moping on the couch, feeling miserable, napping all day. And that is exactly what I have done this time.
But, that changed today. I read something that changed my outlook on it all, and it, of course, came out of my favorite book of the Bible:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." ~2 Corinthians 4:16
I know what you're thinking... Just because I'm having sinus problems doesn't mean I'm "wasting away." But sometimes, even without the physical symptoms, we feel like we are. We face so many pressures in our lives... Career pressure, family pressure, financial pressure, even sinus pressure. And we always want them all to just go away. But how much energy are we willing to put into dealing with these pressures?
If we have to find a job, do we sit on the couch and wait for the right one all day? No... If we are trying to make more money, do we sit around and watch television? I wish... If we are having sinus problems, do we lay in bed and wait for them to go away? No... We take medicine and don't let it get us down!
So why should our relationship with God be any different? We can't just sit around and hope that our relationship will get stronger... We have to work towards a great relationship! We can't do the same thing we do everyday and think that it's enough. We can't expect all the daily renewal we're receiving to take affect without us actually trying to put it into practice.
So, yeah, everyday has within itself different pressures and lessons for us to learn, but every day will end up the same as the last unless we do something to change it. The Message translation begins 2 Corinthians 4:16 like this: "So we're not giving up. How could we!" So... How could we?!?! Do you want to feel the renewal that's taking place daily in your life? Then do it!!!
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